Am I With The Right Person?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a
common question.

She said,” How do I know if I am with the right
person?"

I noticed that there was a man sitting next to her
so I said, "It depends. Is that your partner?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you
know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances
are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's
the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your partner. You anticipated
their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your partner wasn't hard. In fact,
it was a completely natural and spontaneous
experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's
called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO
YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my
feet." Think about the imagery of that expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing
nothing, and then something came along and
happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and
spontaneous experience. But after a while, the
euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of
EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch
is not always welcome (when it happens), and
your partner's idiosyncrasies, instead of being
cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every
relationship, but if you think about your
relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love
and a much duller or even angry subsequent
stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start
asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you
and your partner reflect on the euphoria of the love
you once had, you may begin to desire that
experience with someone else. This is when
realationship breaks down. People blame their
partner for their unhappiness and look outside their
relationship for fulfilment.

Infidelity fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes.
But sometimes people turn to work, church, a
hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive
substances. But the answer to this dilemma does
NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with
someone else. You could and TEMPORARILY
you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later. Because (listen
carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN RELATIONSHIP
IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU
FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labour of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it
takes WISDOM.

You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your
relationship work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.

There are specific things you can do (with or
without your partner) to succeed with your
relationship.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain
habits in your relationship WILL make your own
relationship stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in relationship is indeed a "decision"... Not
just a feeling.

Tips For A Healthy Relationship
Tips For A Healthy Relationship


1) Keep Talking. Almost all studies demonstrate a strong correlation between the quality of a couple's communtication skills and the quality of their relationship. Quality communications include taking the time to listen and understand your partner's perspective. You may not agree completely with where your partner is coming from, but often just feeling like you were heard is enough. Also being generous with sharing information about yourself elevates the level of trust and increases a sense of intimacy in many relationships.


2) Fight Fair. Most relationships endure some level of conflict. Conflict is fairly normal in all relationships, even healthy ones. How conflicts are handled can either strengthen relationships or weaken them. When in a conflict, here are some helpful hints:

Stay on the topic: it doesn't help to bring back past grievances, or bring up everything that bothers you about your partner. Find a good time to talk it out. Working out a problem when you are at the height of anger or upset generally doesn't go well. Take a break and find a time when things have calmed down.

Resist put-downs: address the problem not the person. Overt criticism generally causes people to become defensive. Avoid blaming the other person for your thoughts and feelings. It's okay to apologize when you're wrong. Ask for help if you need it. Seek out an RA, Hall Director, Professor or Counselor if you and your partner need help in finding a resolution.

Learn to agree to disagree: Healthy relationships don't demand absolute agreement or conformity.

Don't hold grudges: Holding grudges sap our energy and keeps us focused on what is negative about our relationship. The winners and the losers. Healthy relationships focus more on resolving problems and not who comes out on top.


3) Be Playful. Healthy couples take their relationshps seriously, but work at them with an attitude of playfulness. Fun and humor are a big part of how they relate to each other, as well as how they percieve the world around them.


4) Be Realistic. In some relationships, couples feel so close they talk about their partner as a soulmate. Even in these relationships, partners realisticly are not everything the other person wants in a relationship. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.


5) Be Trustworthy. Try to keep your promises. If you're not certain you can hold up your end, try not to make the promise in the first place. Even if it may be disappointing to your partner. Be dependable.


6) Find Balance. Life is full of new opportunities. It's a time to experience and try new things. It's important to find a balance between the time you spend with your boyfriend/girlfriend and the time you spend with other friends, clubs, athletics etc...Healthy relationships are not dependent.


7) Remember, relationships are a process. No one has a perfect relationship. When watching other couples, it may appear that everyone has a happier and healthier relationship than you. The truth is, most people feel just like you. Most are wondering about how healthy their relationships are, and if they are happy. Healthy relationships are a work in progress; you give them nurturance and they grow

Relationships
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB."There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".


NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a mile, "Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.


CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."

"Oh, good looking,polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing.Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour,if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..


RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site.A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, "You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you." Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.


PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?"

Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you."

Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled.They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..


BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands.

When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked,"but when are my fingers going to grow back?"

The father went home & committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't.

Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. Pause and ponder. Think before you act. Be patient. Forgive & forget. Love one and all. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

Words of Wisdom
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" Sigmund Freud


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henry Youngman


"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran


"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle


Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Can paranoia lead to the disorientaion of the mind?
Yes. Indeed it can.

Lucky or what?
I could be the luckiest girl around. It actually depends on how you look at it.

On the 23rd of April 2006, i got a marriage proposal.

On the 28th of April 2006, someone tells me he likes me.

Can things get any better? *Not that i am complaining or anything*

I just feel really lucky. I actually have someone to love me for who i am.

And he said, "You're as always, a vision." That is so sweet.

The ability to FORGET
The human brain is built to conduct several tasks. Some people even associate the brain to a super computer. It has the ability to perform and mimic functions that of a computer.

Everything we do is received by the brain, processed and stored into the appropriate memory sections in the brain.

Then why are not able to "delete" memories just like a computer? Where is the delete button when we finally need them? *To think we find the delete button annoying on computers*

What amazes me.....
The psychological world of the human brain. What amazes me most is how we can manage to make the human brain contribute to the complexities its own world.